yesterday was exciting for no good reason

So after my weekly internal checkup on Tuesday, there was some 'activity' in terms of more, little contractions and the fluids of the red color. This is all expected but a surprise to us since we're new at this. And the following morning there was more fluid and some mucus. So I call the doctor and unless it's accompanied by regular contractions, there's not much to get excited about. Just in case, I didn't do any "work from home" and went shopping. I realized I had been putting off getting a few things that, if we're going to the hospital, I've been told I MUST HAVE.

So off to return some baby gifts that were in the 3 month size. I can't tell you the number of 3 month old clothes we have. She will simply not be this size for long enough to wear all of it, so I returned some to get credit and buy whatever she needs once she's here and I know how big she actually is. Or save it for next year's purchases.

I then realized I needed at least one nursing bra, and never got those newborn undershirts with the side snaps that I am supposed to have since she'll still have her umbilical cord when she first gets home.

And while at the baby store, of course I saw other things that I thought I should get.

So 4 hours later, I called my husband to join him for lunch. I then went off to the drugstore to get some baby shampoo. I really wonder what I absolutely need, but at least I have the 'hospital bag' all set.

My lovely friend in FL sent me a bag of toiletries so i wouldn't have to buy everything. But it's at my parents home and i have no idea when I'm getting that and thinking that this baby could come any day now, I didn't want to wait. So I guess I'll have duplicates.

My lovely mother-in-law was so concerned that I might pop, she even offered to come up from Mexico to be with us until the baby comes. Which could be another 3-4 weeks. She's concerned that I'm at home alone. She doesn't believe I should carry things. If she had any idea how much stuff I've been bringing home from the office and going shopping, and just general commuting, I think she'd be surprised and tell me to stop doing it. But you know, I don't carry more than I can comfortably and my husband helps me a lot. She wanted to be there to help me get a cab and carry the hospital bag. She makes me laugh; I think it'll be okay. If I was her, I can't think of anything more boring than hanging around our apartment with me waiting for the baby to come. Especially since I'm still working, even though I'm at home.

So, it amounted to nothing. A day's worth of random contractions and fluids.

I think it was the fact that I am already 2cm dilated that made either of us think anything was going to happen.

I still wonder what it'll be like to have a Gemini in the house, especially with a cusp Aries and Leo.

And today, Tiny Dancer must not like the fact I've been sitting down so much since she's been moving around a lot more than she was the past 2 days when I was doing errands. She really does prefer that I'm mobile and active. Me too...

contractions and expansions

Last night was the first time I've experienced any pre-labor contractions. Or at least I think I did. It very nearly stopped me in my tracks, was about 10-15 seconds long and happened about 3-4 times over the course of 2 hours. So nothing to worry about. I've been 'leaky' too as of this past Tuesday, but again, not enough to be concerned about or know labor is really coming. This morning, while working from home and on a conference call, my lower back really hurt for about 20-30 seconds. I'm glad I'm going to my holistic spine guy today. 

My pimples are definitely coming back and my hair is definitely falling out like it used to. And this baby is DEFINITELY bigger. She stretches and 'dances' and ocassionally bangs around (her dad says she's like a basketball in there sometimes). And when she stretches, she now reaches farther apart in there as well as pushes further out. 

My next appointment is next Friday, so a week from today. I wish there was another ultrasound so I could see her again.

We've pretty much decided on a name for her. I think it'll suit her.

I get nearly 3-4 hours of sleep before I'm awoken to go to the bathroom or I'm hungry. She usually helps to wake me up by kicking me when we're hungry. My pattern has become go to bed between 9-11pm, get up around 3pm, then 4.30 or 5, then either sleep through until 7 or wake up every 40-50 minutes. 

I'm nervous about labor, which I'm sure will make it feel worse because of my apprehension about dealing with the pain. I used to be good at dealing with pain but it seems that either the hormones in my body or the extra blood going through to support this baby makes me feel more sensitive to pain. I'm mostly confident I can do this, but funnily enough, more relieved in the fact that I don't get a choice. It's going to happen, and when it does, I'll be in the moment dealing with it. I don't get to plan this.  And for a "planner", I find this a relief. 

My father looked at me this past weekend and said "I think she's going to be early." Well, since I'm just 34 weeks pregnant now, that makes me a bit nervous. I don't want her to come out until she's done 'cooking'. But he has a sense about these things. Then I start to wonder if by just saying that, I've started to have any control over what's going on, hence the mini contractions. Maybe not.

I'd really love to be able to sleep more. I know I'm not supposed to lie on my back, so i lie on my sides, which I've pretty much always slept on my side. But now I find that one side or both goes numb or sore. Mostly sore. It's exhausting being tired. I can't even imagine what it'll be like when she's finally here.

meetings and being tired

I'm just so tired. If every day at work I could take a nap between 1pm and 3pm, that would be great! I can see why some women don't come to work the month before they are due. This is exhausting...

And I had 3 people tell me how small my belly is today.

sonogram, april 14

Today our Tiny Dancer is almost 32 weeks. She has some hair (seriously!), is about 3lb 15oz, and is already facing down. I guess she's getting ready. She's in the 42% for her weight and size (but we forgot to ask how long she is). So she's totally normal, and my belly is expanding within normal range, too.

She wasn't feeling too outgoing this morning, so the technician had about 2 seconds to take a photo of her. Those were about the only 2 seconds where she wasn't covering her face with her hand or arm. Sound familiar... A head-of-hair, shy baby? Me, maybe? My husband? um, yes to both! I guess she really is our kid!

So it's all still going quite well.

Thank you to everyone who have so far given us advice on baby products and techniques for various baby-related things. We're making plenty of mental notes and lists of things to buy, accordingly. And thank you to Joe and Elsa for letting us carry Sam around this weekend. He's a great test infant; it was awesome practice! :) (If only Babies R Us had tester babies, not real ones of course, so when you go to the store to look at furniture and strollers you have SOME idea of what to expect!)

realizing that the end is coming

about 2 weeks ago, when my seasonal allergies hit, i didn't take any allergy medicine since I wasn't sure if I could. So instead of about 3 days of stuffy nose, cough and such, it was 10 days. And at the start of those 10 days I got my first pimple since October. Since then my hair has started to come out while showering, like it did before I got pregnant but not since I've been pregnant. And I'm starting to get small pimples on my face again. Clearly a change has come and I'm looking at it as if it's my body telling me that Tiny Dancer is getting ready to leave.

With this change, I welcome getting to meet her and my body back to just being 'me' but at the same time I'm a little sad that it's nearly over. Just as I was finally getting used to her being inside, it's almost time to move on to the next phase. I guess this is what being a parent is all about. Just when you get the hang of it, the kid(s) are on to the next phase in development.

Well, here's to keep moving forward!

my memory: one of my finer gifts that is leaving me

I find that unlike when I get stressed out and I can't remember the thought I just had, I'm forgetting things more frequently. It's very much like someone coming by and shaking your head like an etch-a-sketch and the thought it gone. All I'm left with is the knowledge that I just had a thought, there were words and probably some action I was about to take, and now it's disappeared. Poof!

For someone who has minor control issues and who prides herself on being able to remember details when others can't, I find this puzzling. I go between feeling very frustrated about it and caring. Mostly it's the times when I know I was about to do something and now I can't remember what it was, that gets me frustrated. It happens just as much at work as at home. I often remember later, or at least I think it's often. Maybe it's not. I'm beginning to wonder if it really matters anyway. I haven't forgotten anything crucial yet and maybe I'm more interesting person for not always remembering.

I do my very best to laugh about it and when it happens in front of others, especially at work, I poke fun at myself. No one else seems to be surprised or bothered by it. Whenever I get pregnant again I'm going to be MUCH better at it :)

Sometimes what I do is I give in to the forgetful/blank moments and work on reading about things I'm told I should have for the baby. So I've been spending more time online reading up on products, and seeing what's available to buy.

I really hate the idea of having SO MUCH stuff around. It's probably a control thing again.

My latest thing is bottles, a baby wrap or sling, and dealing with walking more slowly and being okay with just missing the train. I am just not running after it. I used to be a good fast-walker-commuter type. Nope. Now I walk at a speed that is comfortable, going up the stairs and being happy when people pass me, and breathe.

I've had acid/stomach problems for at least the past 13 years. It's really a lot more fun now. No, I'm kidding, it's not. What has been totally awesome is my skin. I guess I got a much better immune system in place of a good memory. Which, honestly, is something I'm happy to trade on when I remember it.

No acne for the past 7 months until this past week. I've had 2 colds and 1 bout of allergies. Didn't take anything for it. The skin rash I get on my head hasn't acted up until I got this allergy problem over a week ago. So I'm like 98% over the allergies, and nearly don't need to blow my nose all the time. My eyes are still a bit dry and I drink a LOT but that's probably more pregnancy related than allergies. I've known for a long time it was my immune system not doing it's 'job' that my stomach has trouble with so many foods, that then my skin reacts like it does. I just hope Tiny Dancer doesn't have this problem. But if she does, I at least know what it is and the best way to deal is eat fresh fruit and veggies and less bread. Crazy but true.

Speaking of Tiny Dancer's name, we started to talk about names again. I always feel like when I say a name I'm thinking of for her, when I say it out loud, it's like I'm committing to it. So I don't say them often. I want to make sure it sounds nice. She'll be teased in school no matter what, and we'll do our best to not give her anything obvious to mock. More importantly, I really hope we do a good job teaching her how to have self-confidence so it doesn't matter if they tease her or not.

I finally really understand what my mom meant when she'd tell us she didn't care if we had been boys or girls just that we were healthy. She really meant it. I mean it when I say it now, too.

And you know, I was going to write something else and it's just slipped my mind! LOL... no joke. I'm going to get a glass of water. She's kicking so clearly she's interested in me walking around anyway :)

buying things for someone you've never met

This weekend marked our second attempt to get our heads around what stuff we need/want to make a baby registry. I've felt pressure to have a baby registry, let alone fill it with things that I feel we NEED rather than want. And forget putting items on there that I have any opinion about. If it wasn't for a few key friends who have already had a kid or two, we'd be totally underwater on knowing what to add to the list.

And we've realized that people who have kids in the suburbs in a house, have completely different ideas about what is 'necessary' than someone with a kid in an 900 sq ft or smaller apartment. My idea of necessary is whatever I need to keep her fed, clothed, clean and mildly entertained. And of course, within what I think are fairly small boundaries of 'need' includes a multitude of options. I keep wishing that everything I see in the store had a little arrow above the ones that *I* need to get. Things that someone with more experience and less of a sales-angle will believe that the way we want to raise our daughter will be a good purchase.

But there isn't. There's enough advice out there to sink a ship. So we're doing our best to figure out what kind of ship we're on.

Normally I'd research the heck out of everything I'm interested in. I've resisted doing a lot of research on baby things. It seems that for every source that says "A is good choice" there's another of equal reputation that says "A is ok but B is a better choice". Which leaves me doing what I've been doing, asking the people I know who have actual children and who (as parents) we respect the way they are bringing up their kids.

I'm immensely grateful for these friends to tell us whatever they think we need to hear or what they wish they heard before they went shopping.

Somewhere between my desire to have a baby stroller that is less than 5lbs and Ismael's desire to only have to buy one stroller from the time she's born until she's 4 years old -- we'll figure something out. I'm just glad we don't have a car, so figuring out what car seat to buy isn't an issue. My lovely cousin and his wife gave us their infant car seat so I can give that to my dad so we can at least get her home from the hospital.

Now we just have to have a place to put her down to sleep, since we have a room full of baby clothes, and apparently I'll be able to make her food for her. So I guess figuring out which crib is the next thing to tackle... It would be so much easier if Tiny Dancer would just tell me what she likes. Ah well, I can't wait to meet her for her to tell me which crib she likes!