Daily question I ask myself

I'm a bit dizzy from exhaustion and very hungry. It's about midday and she's finally stopped screaming from gas pains. I may have five minutes or an hour but I also need to pee. She's not tired enough to put down yet do you:
a. Start to make some food to eat
b. Pee
c. Sleep
d. Keep doing whatever it is that is keeping her quiet until she's falls asleep
e. Finish cleaning up, since that was started already when she began to scream

the answer is whatever you choose is wrong and right. You'll never get to all of them alone. The challenge is how to be okay with this when you are used to being able to do many things at once and very well. And it's hard since you often can only pick one of the above and sometimes have to wait an hour or two before you can do the next thing. Depending on how fussy she gets.

PS this ikea ad is awesome: http://www.frederiksamuel.com/blog/2009/05/ikea-assembly-service.html

It's all in the translation

My mom bought me a baby sign language book. In there it talks briefly about the Dunstan system and already we are doing better understanding this Tiny Dancer. Just knowing the sound for gas vs burp has helped. So of course I went online and bought the DVDs and book to know more about this Dunstan stuff. I figure if I can understand what she is telling me, I'll be more relaxed and she will have her needs met with less frustration. It's here or for a bit less on Amazon: https://www.dunstanbabyorders.com/order/us/orderform.asp

I find myself buying things I never even thought of. Of course I think it's all necessary. I'm buying what I think will make the next two years easier, now, while we can. I still don't believe we are going to be bad off but I at least have to go through the motions of preparing for it just in case.

I can't see paying someone else to take care of my kid when I'll be paying nearly my salary to do it. So once she starts to sleep a little more consistently I'll start writing again. Maybe someone will want to pay me for it, too! Ha!

Anyway the past two nights have been graciously simple. Go to sleep about 8/9pm, wake up 1-2 hrs later, eat, maybe change diaper, back to sleep. Repeat until 5.30/6.00am when it's time to "wake up" for the day and she eats, bath/diaper change, burp, play and then back to sleep about 8/9am. The daytime is totally hit or miss. If she sleeps it is no more than an hour at a time punctuated by eating immediately upon waking.

From Monday:
It was a very long day. If Kimesha hadn't come  
that early I don't think we would have seen her either. It was nice  
she was here since we took a walk and went to the supermarket. So  
Kimesha walked her stroller up and down the aisles whole we picked  
food as quickly as possible :)

Carolina slept almost all of Saturday while my parents babysat and let  
us go on a date for our three year anniversary. But then, predictably,  
she didn't sleep much that night or the next day. Like she was  
boycotting naps or sleeping. She has this new trick of only sleeping  
like an hour and then needing to eat. That may or may not be followed  
by an hour of hiccups or general restlessness.

Hiccups always means we are up for at least an hour more even if the  
hiccups stop after a few minutes. And hiccups are usually after 7pm.  
Weird.

Last night, gratefully, she got up four times to eat and then  
immediately back to sleep. So I could sleep some. And her diapers  
weren't too messy.

In the brief quiet moments

I often find myself, well my mind, momentarily going elsewhere. Sometimes when she is quiet and often when she is screaming and I haven't quite figured out what she is telling me. Most recently I've thought of the East Village, Chelsea, Naples and Oakland CA. She's had three good poop diapers today and napped this morning from 7.00am until about 9.45am. At which time she awoke screaming (of hunger) and my friend Sang had to let himself out while I fed her.

I'm letting her sleep on my lap right now since the last three attempts at a nap Since 10am have resulted in less than an hour nap a piece. I should be sleeping too but everytimf I close my eyes I see some nightmare-ish image of my daughter which jolts ne awake. I've got the I'm tired headache. I'd love a massage and an ice cream sundae. Why aren't there any ice cream shops or trucks around here? And Mr Frostee doesn't count.

Moments like these I wish we still lived in Manhattan. At least there I know where things are, menupages is useful, and there are ice cream trucks -- like the Van Leuween one -- that serves really good ice cream with lovely fresh whipped cream and hot fudge.

It's what I think of when it's hot outside and I have a kid around. I think of the ice cream places my parents took us to. Sitting at the counter or in a booth seat. Lots of flavors and toppings to choose from. Back when I was lactose intollerant but no one knew. And I could still eat nuts. I really hope my kid can enjoy these things. I'll feel so badly if she needs pills for dairy and can't eat nuts, too.

My mission over the next week is to get her in the sling I bought without screaming her head off. It'll be a lot easier than the car seat stroller. At least for me to get around locally with her. I must be doing the sling thing wrong. Or she just hates it. I'm hopeful and going for the I'm doing it wrong since if she hates it like she hates water or her liquid vitamins, we will never get to use the Peanut Shell sling.

I think she's about to be too big for newborn diapers even though they are supposed to be good for up to 10lbs and she's still less than 8. Or maybe I'm putting them on wrong. She gets red marks on her thighs from them. Maybe her baby fat is just getting in the way :)

I really wanted to take her on the train today to have hamburgers for lunch with her dad. But there's no way I'm getting up the stairs at the station and then again connection to the B/D and then get out at Rockefeller. I'll pass out before I have to go back home. That bloody bulky stroller and I'm not sure I can walk that far yet.

And I still haven't had to change her diaper outside of our apartment. THAT will be interesting once we start going in to Manhattan. I now understand why I've seen (v rarely) parents of older babies change diapers on the subway. Sometimes, I guess, it just needs to be done. I should get one of those travel changer mat things. That'll probably help.

Now I know I don't need these things but I really want this Kate Spade bag (over priced diaper bag perhaps?) http://www.katespade.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3491724&siteID=BolFSqx4S4U-f_Fj.BB5WRmURCgcndyrlg
and this (doesn't match at all, I know) Trina Turk hat that supports the High Line http://racked.com/archives/2009/06/12/meatpacking_designers.php

I know I won't buy these and will get diapers instead. But ya gotta dream :)

Worrying about the environment and then I saw this

I placed another order with diapers.com and received it today. I got more diapers (Pampers Swaddlers, god yes they are disposable. I'm such a hypocrite.), a case of baby wipes (love the eco-friendly Nature Babycare ones from Sweden), a case of Seventh Generation dish soap (yes, a case. Hey it was on sale), Method baby lotion, and Method hand soap refill thingy. The site was having a sale, so I got some things.

Having a newborn, and not knowing when it's a great idea to change her vs. wait , means that we go through a lot of diapers. Like 10 or so a day... so I'm looking forward to when she is over 10lbs and can fit into the G-diapers that are biodegradable. Anyway, so I'm feeling guilty everytime I'm not out-of-my-mind exhausted and look in the diaper pail.

...and then I saw this: http://www.chasing-fireflies.com/prodinfo.asp?number=25178

I now am reminded that we are:
A. not rich
B. not ridiculous or ostentatious
C. not wasteful as I had feared

Seriously... that is not a bed. THAT is a $5,000 experience!

PS God bless my husband who stayed up with her last night from 7pm-1am so i could sleep those hours. And graciously she slept for 3 hours this afternoon. Let us rejoice for the little things!!

Less sleep more hugs

So she is sleeping in smaller increments (like an hour or less) then needs to be fed but not for very long. Then we have two options. Option one is easy: go right back to sleep. Not much good for decent mommy napping but easy. Option two is: require constant touching and in particular being upright and being raised up and down. Like she is jumping in place if she could do it herself. Then fall asleep on me. And when I put her down she wakes up within 5-10 minutes. Oakland mommy blogger must be right. She us going through a growth spurt. I can't think of any other reason. She's like a teenage boy going through a growth spurt. But with fewer pimples.

And she is starting to fit properly in her newborn size pants. So less Ed Grimley and more MC Hammer these days. God I love her but she's driving me a little batty with the less sleep. I just keep reminding myself one day she will sleep. Then I have to worry about where she is crawling and trying to walk. So I am carefully picking my battles in my mind.

There should be a gift/food service for new parents. Gift baskets with a good balance of snacks and fruit and drinks.Enough for a week. If I was rich, I would buy for myself and all my friends who make babies, a two week order for a personal chef. I know the service exists in this city, lord knows I can't afford it. And the gift/food delivery should include daily messages for the mom. Tailored if she is breastfeeding or not. And letting her know she's going through it like everyone else. Ooh, and a small parcel of just-for-mommy breastfeeding helpers: nipple cream, hydro pads, nipple shells, nipple pads (for leakage), mothers milk tea, Tylenol, and a daily random-time call telling her she's doing great even if she feels otherwise.

And if anyone has advice on getting her not to hate baby vitamins. My god. You should see her face. I put it with water and trick her into taking a little all day. I also keep wondering if I can brush her teeth with a finger brush thing. Her little tongue is like permanently looking like it's covered in milk! LOL

Last night was tough

She decided either she didn't like the new bottle design or the milk. But she was angry or at least super frustrated and starving when we tried to feed her about 11.45pm. She had been nursing hard all day and the "restaurant" needed a short break. But she wasn't having any of it. So I fed her. For a long time. Well, long for her. And then she was fussy until 1.20am. We had even given her mylicon but that didn't seem to help...

We were running out of burping/comforting positions when she let out a big burp. We kept trying to burp her but then quickly realized she was actually hungry again. And after a few quick drinks, fell asleep. She must have been exhausted since at the 3.30am feeding she got up, ate in about 5 minutes, and then passed out asleep until 6am. And then was modorra for about 45 minutes.

When she woke up and ate around 7am, we gave her a bath. Today is cold so she wasn't happy about bathing, and peed on Ismael (and the bed) and then threw up a little after getting clean... But then she fell asleep shortly after being dressed. (Is this tedious enough yet?) I'm pretty convinced it matters less what I eat and more of what's going on inside her. I think she's growing a LOT inside and so needs sleep and eating and that poor belly isn't digesting well enough to get her both relief and satisfied eating at the same time.

Nothing says love like feeding your child while she "bites" down harder while simultaneously trying to pull away AND fart/poops. I think if you can be proud and feel love for someone under those conditions, you've got yourself a baby you call your own :)

Attention parents!! If you have any advice for this we are all ears: about every 3rd feeding (time of day doesn't seem to matter) she gets hiccups and then is up for an extra hour. Once that passes she is super tired. Yawning and the lot but won't allow herself to fully fall asleep. She is like 90% passed out on soneones shoulder and then when we put her down in the bassinet, she wakes herself up. These are the times she is up for like 3-4 hours. The other feedings she is up for eating and then quickly falls asleep for 1-3 hours. Thoughts?

The witching hour

So daily it starts about 4pm and can last until 8pm but usually ends closer to 6/7. She wakes up, eats, is JUST about to fall asleep at about 4.40/4.45 and then doesn't. The whiney cry starts. She is on and off consolable. She needs to be held. Likes to be fed more. And requires changing positions and lots of burping time. So today I stopped all dairy and gave her mylicon at the first utterance of whining. It made it a bit better. I even got to make rice and quick chicken in between crying fits. This does mean no visitors "after work" since when she goes down at about 7.30/8, so do I.

Funnily enough she was really great today from 5.30am through 4pm. But then it was the witching hour. ;) I know we just need to suffer through this for a few more weeks. And she could be colicky, which she is definitely not. So I am grateful. I do miss cooking and being able to read or watch TV for more than 15minutes on the long side. Good thing she is cure and smells nice :)

We went for our first walk together in her car seat stroller. It was monumental since I had to get her in and out of our building (many steps and doors). And it took me 20+ minutes of her crying to get her IN the seat. After she calmed down, she basically fell asleep for the 15min walk. I was exhausted and sore. So I'll have to build up strength before we can get all the way to the park and back. Ah well, small steps...