What's that Mommy?

Today, I was hugging Carolina on my lap to help calm her down. And the baby kicked and moved really strongly. Carolina sat up and looked at my belly and said, smiling, "What that Mommy?" I told Carolina that it was the baby moving and her brother heard her crying and wanted to give her a hug, too. She looked interested and a little confused and said, "Is my brotha? What he doin?" I said he was moving, so she hopped off my lap and said, "Ok!"

Update on the baby's progress

I went to the OB last Friday and it was a quick visit to see how far along I am. 1cm dilated and 50% effaced. That means my body is getting ready but it's not likely to happen this week. I had a LOT of Braxton-Hicks contractions on Friday, it made walking really difficult. We walked to the post office 6 blocks away and back, and that set it off. And then I went to the subway (lots of stairs at both stations) and back to the doctor appointment. That night it was contractions and lots of kicking.

I even had to schedule my weekly appointments for the next 3-4 weeks. So we're at the end here.

Maybe my mom is right. Maybe the baby will come at the next full moon on May 6th.

I've finally relented and have given up all the acidy and fatty foods that I like but shouldn't eat. The indigestion and pain is ENOUGH. Plus it's nearly over. So food has been more boring but at least I don't spend any portion of the night with excessive gas, pain or going to the toilet.

Honestly, these last two months are an adjustment in a way that even having a baby isn't. I want my body back! Even though I know while breastfeeding, it's still not really mine. At least I can be more mobile, even when I'm not sleeping. At all. Yes, I remember that really well.

Big news: Museum day with Papa & no pee in diapers!

I stand corrected. Papa planned to take Carolina to the Brooklyn Museum with two other families and their girls, so four adults and 3 girls all under the age of 6 at the museum. Looking at art. Meeting up at 1pm, you know, naptime. With over an hour on the subway each way. I thought, this is ABSOLUTELY a bad idea. I couldn't go, or rather I chose not to go as it was going to be tough to walk around and go up stairs and I'm tired enough as it is.

Papa didn't check his email that said the day before that the other two families weren't going to go anymore. So, he and Carolina headed out -- and she had been yawning saying she was tired. And apparently it went great. No complaining, no whining. They had a great time.

Even bigger news, she held her pee for when they arrived home instead of going in her diaper in the taxi. She waited! This is the third or fourth time we've been out and she had to go, and she decided she would wait. She's even gotten up in the middle of a TV show she likes and went to the bathroom herself, took off her pants and diaper and sat down to pee. And THEN told me she was done.

She likes to jump off the potty, with her pants around her ankles and then run around. She's tripped a few times, naturally, but she thinks it's funny.

She's earned the right to wear undies AND sit on the couch. Until recently we couldn't trust that she'd notify us since she had worn undies and peed all over her own little chair. Twice. So the rule was if you're on the couch, you're wearing a diaper.

But she's got the knack now.

In fact, there's only been pee in her diaper during nap or nighttime, and not always. And all the poop goes in the potty. THANK GOD. I had no idea how much easier it is to clean up than in a diaper. I'm happy and proud of our little girl.

Good thing she got this down before the baby comes. I'm sure there will be some regression, and probably potty time might suffer -- so we still have a large box of diapers just in case. But if not, then we'll just keep going. I think she'll enjoy the summer more in undies. Her little hiney was really, really sweaty last summer.

UPDATE: We're going to move this summer; we've decided. I've got a tentative spot held for Carolina at the school that I want to send her to, too. She's still having nightmares and the other night was calling out for me, and then stopped. I don't think she even woke up. Head banging is back, even during naptime, which is very unusual. So I'm giving her melatonin drops to help make her drowsy earlier at night. After moaning and banging for over an hour and a half late last week, I had enough of listening to her try to calm herself down. We'll do this for a week and then see how it goes. I know that moving will be a big adjustment for her. Plus having a brother. Plus a new school. It's a lot at once. But it's time. So, like taking off a sticky bandage, we're going to rip it off as quickly as possible and get it all over with at once.

School meeting with the teacher

I had a meeting with Carolina's teacher. It seems that there wasn't any hitting but a boy in her class (and apparently there are more boys than girls on the days she goes) pushed her near her face when she was sitting next to him and leaned over to see what he was doing. He wanted her to go away and leave him alone.

Then later that day, while he was doing something on the floor, she went near to see what he was doing and he pushed her again.

Both times the teacher told the little boy not to do that, to be gentle, no pushing, be nice. But Carolina cried the first time because she was scared/surprised. Apparently this little boy is particularly aggressive and mouthy.

I also found out that the boy's name she's been telling me is her friend, is actually a boy that is very similar in temperament to Carolina. So it makes sense she likes him so much and refers to him as a friend by name. I honestly wasn't sure if he was a real boy in her class or someone she made up. This is because, she will sometimes tell me her cousin, Angela, plays with her, too. But Angela is in Mexico.

I understand now that she pushes kids away, too. And as sweet and sensitive as she is, she will definitely stand her ground and has no problem telling other kids to be nice or leave her alone. I'm not sure if that's more like me or my husband, but either way, I'm proud that she's able to balance her space with her reactions to others intruding, depending on the situation. Especially since mostly she's verbal about it.

This is less bad that I had originally thought, but I'm still not happy about it. I understand there are kids that are, just by their personality, more aggressive or physical. And there are times to push and yell when you're this age to express yourself. I get it. I really do. And I also understand that she's trying out this new behavior at home to see where the boundaries are and what is acceptable at home versus at school.

I still don't like it.

I don't see leaving her at this school for a very long time but unless we move, I've little other choice. Unless I take her out of school entirely.

The other schools in the neighborhood are the same or worse. There are other schools that have much better reputations, cost a ton more, and (at this point more importantly) require us having a car to bring her. Taking the bus or train for upwards of an hour a day to just pick her up (so 30 minutes there and home) with an infant isn't going to happen for me. Not forgetting the extra time it would take Ismael to take her there and still get to work on time. By car the same trip would take 10-15 minutes.

Is this the best we can do right now? I think so.

grumble, grumble

The one thing I did appreciate that the teacher said was after she found out from the director that I was having trouble with Carolina going home and being very wound up, she started to ask Carolina every time she was about to go home what she would do at home. Carolina invariably would tell her "eat pancakes", which is true many days for her lunch to have pancakes. And then the teacher would say that she would take a nap after that, since naps are good. If Carolina agreed or not, the teacher would emphasize that naps are a good idea and she should do it after she eats.

I appreciate the reinforcement and getting her mentally prepared for what would happen at home next, even though it's the same thing every time.

Busy week and it's only Wednesday

So on Sunday, Carolina locked herself in the bathroom. Without clothes on. Having just gone pee pee in her potty. With the lights off. Sigh... so after about 10 minutes of trying, we called the police. Eventually, after another 10-20 minutes, and still not able to open the door from the other side (let's just chalk that up to inexperience with screwdrivers), I was able to talk Carolina into unlocking it from her side.

She didn't panic very much, which was surprising given the situation. But since our landlord had never put a correctly sized door on the bathroom (but a lock, yes?) there is about 2-3" of space below the door. So she could see us and we could play "toesies" and I could give her books, to which she said no to all of them. At least she could see me when I was on the floor talking to her. And so, eventually, after asking for the second or third time, she understood which part of the doorknob I meant (since I referred to it as the straight line she had turned earlier) and she did it.

So she got herself out!

And then the police came an hour later. I had since called 911 to cancel the request, but not surprisingly, the request wasn't cancelled. And these poor, totally hot and stressed out (but very friendly) cops came running up the stairs. I explained what happened and they looked relieved as it was possible that their delay meant a 2 year old was locked in a bathroom alone for just over an hour.

Then on Tuesday after school, Carolina tells me that someone pushed her and someone else hit her. I was not pleased as this isn't the first time I'm hearing that she's being pushed. During her nap, I called the director but no one answered. After briefly talking with my parents about it, and I should really know better than to tell my dad anything bad that happens to Carolina as he's very protective of her (I really called to talk to my mom, the teacher, but there you go they were both home) and he got pretty angry about it. They explained that as often as it seems to happen, it's a bad sign about how the classroom is run. I've no idea as she's our first and this is her first experience in school but it felt wrong.

I called the director again, who'd never gotten my message. Explained what I understood from Carolina and she went to talk to the teacher. The teacher told the director that yes, a little boy pushed Carolina out of the circle line but it wasn't a big deal so she didn't tell me. But since I'd called about this kind of thing two weeks ago, the director set up a meeting for me to speak to the teacher tomorrow morning after we drop off Carolina. So, I'll find out from a grown up's perspective what is happening.

It's really hard to get contextual information from a toddler, even one as chatty as my daughter. But what I'm going to struggle with, I'm guessing, is what the teacher sees and the context she observes it in and how my daughter is perceiving it. And I'm wondering if Carolina is doing anything to provoke this reaction. I'd be super-duper surprised if she is, and that would concern me more as it would be completely out of her personality to be an instigator. Anyway...

What really bothered me from the start was just after she started school she started to be more aggressive. She started to push us away and say 'no' or protest much more forcefully. I realize this is part of being a 3 year old, as she's really into protesting and procrastinating with things she doesn't want to do (go to sleep, put on clothes to go out, blah blah blah). It's just that it happened right away when she started going to school. So something is up, I just don't know what it is exactly or how much is expected adjustment vs. aggression from other kids. And they let the kids cry for what I understand (from other parents not my daughter) to be long periods of time. I'm certain this will stress out the other kids, especially one like Carolina who is very empathetic.

I really, really, really, really, really want to send her to this lovely Montessori school in Fort Lee. Really, really. It's really, really, expensive and moving is a pain, and a huge adjustment for a preschooler, and apartments there aren't cheaper and transportation will be more for commuting, and, ideally, we'd get a car, which is more money. So it's just all money we don't have flying out the window. But I really (have I mentioned really) want her in there. It is so calm and organized and focused and there's no yelling or screaming or crying. And I know enrollment for the fall is closed as it's already mid-April and they had enrollment in late March.

Ok, good, so now I'm stressing about money and a contraction starts. I should go wake up the sleeping beauty as it's been quite a long time for a nap and I could use a cup of tea. My allergies are really bad and I think it might be turning into a cold.

Tomorrow I'll be 36 weeks pregnant. This kid might not have dropped yet but my body is certainly getting ready. I'm ready. Let's go!

More crampy contractions, 35.5 weeks

Last night around 3am I was awoken from a dream about being in labor to actual contraction-like pains. It lasted a few hours. I'm still really achy in my lower back and lower abdomen, and I *think* the mucus plug might have started to leak. Around 6am, after another bad dream about going to the hospital unprepared, I felt a VERY strong need to get up and pack my hospital bag as well as get the baby's bed ready and wash the bottles and pacifiers and just be ready-ready.

My parents already have Carolina's bag of clothes and such, and her presents from her brother, as well as her Papa's bag of clothes for the two days they'll be there. But my bag hadn't been packed. So now it is.

I remembered that I needed travel-sized toiletries for the hospital, and so I started digging around for the toiletry bag my lovely friend Cheryl had sent to me when Carolina was going to be born, and the bathroom drawer we have of "things for travel". I was only missing a little deodorant that didn't smell too much, I have full-sized extras but they're really strong and I usually use a non-fragrant deodorant from Tom's of Maine. Now, we're all set.

These cramps keep coming but they're not very strong and there's nothing to "time" so I don't think it'll be today. It might be tomorrow. It might be two weeks from now. There's something fun and anxious about not knowing and not being able to know.

Whatever it is, we're ready as we're going to be.

I should clean the apartment.

Carolina is at the park with her grandparents who came over to visit while Ismael is out doing the weekly food shopping.

Earlier I was ready my blog posts from 2009 to see if I had left myself any useful tidbits about going to the hospital, since I forgot a lot of little details (e.g., toiletry bag), and I realized I was really stumbling through being a mom at first. That's to be expected, but what I was surprised about is that me, now, wants to talk to me, then, and give me advice so I could sleep and stop being so stressed out about every little thing. The stress might certainly have contributed to Carolina sleeping. I was probably making her anxious.

I know that two kids is absolutely different than just one. I just don't know exactly HOW it is different, so I expect to stumble through this first 6months to a year again, I just expect to stumble differently.

I should cut my nails. Accidentally scratching an infant looks terrible on their skin, like you just lacerated them.

We're still not completely decided on the circumcision. If I had Ismaelito today, I'd say to leave it on. And still not be completely certain that is the right decision.

Parents shouldn't be trusted with these kinds of decisions. HAHAH... I'm joking. Completely joking.

Really, I should go clean now.

Pregnancy week 34

Set your timers to 2-3 weeks! My hair is starting to fall out like pre-pregnancy time and these recent cramps/contractions are no joke. Plus I have an attack of season allergies so my super pregnancy immune defenses are leaving. Sigh. I love those.

I feel huge and without a shirt on, you can definitely see I've got a baby inside. It's not a cute bump; this is serious!

Sleep, wake, pee, eat, repeat is basically my cycle. And the least frequent is eating. Don't get me wrong, I'm eating well and often, but I'm peeing like crazy. There's no room in my abdomen for more growth -- and yet my belly skin itches and gets "sore" which is what happens every time he grows. So, each time I think "I can't get any bigger", I do.

Carolina has already told me this week she wants to take out the baby. Asked if we could use scissors to do it and very much gets this is happening soon. I don't talk to her about it much. If she brings it up, I mostly just ask supporting questions like "Is it a brother or sister?" (very often it's sister), "where is he now?" (to which she looks at me incredulously and points to my belly. Like, mom, don't you know by now?) and "what's his name?" (pronounced: Iz-mail)

Mostly she wants to: hug him, tickle him or asks what's he doing.

I need to pack her bag and mine for her stay with my mom and mine at the hospital. I realized today I need bottles and a few breast feeding supplies. And I should really look up Lamaze breathing as I've forgotten how. Not that I really used it the first time in my panic-stricken time in labor. Hahaha. Oh, fun times!

And I know there's a lot going on in Carolina's life as she's been quietly, or not so quietly, bumping her head against her mattress every night the past 4 nights. She says it makes her feel better. I guess school, potty training and a brotha coming is stressful. Can you imagine if we had moved now? Oy vey!