Going to church is only good for 20 minutes

I took Carolina to morning mass today so I could do what I normally find pointless: pray.

When I feel lost or just want to give thanks, I pray. When I feel badly, I actually go to church. Makes me a hypocrite based on my beliefs, but I can deal with that. I needed closure and that's where I made my closure last time.

So we went to a local chuch that I've not been to before. It was pretty full for a 9am mass, and expectedly with older/elderly churchgoers. (The other local church has a lot of children as part of the parish.) so there wasn't much tolerance for Carolina talking. Granted, she was almost silent for about 15 minutes and then started whispering where "Jesus' mommy" was and that the stained glass windows had flowers.

It was after some shushing from the old lady in front and then Carolina cry/whining when she gave the dollar donation to the guy who passed the basket for the collection. She liked giving him the dollar but then wanted it back, or another dollar. As if it was a game. Before she got loud, we went out into the entry foyer. Looked at the flowers and votives by "Jesus' mommy" statue. Then went to the store and home.

It worked out pretty well as it started raining when we left, and got home before it picked up.

We will go again, this next time we will sit near the "Jesus' mommy" window with "baby Jesus" and "moon moon". That should give me an extra 5 minutes of entertainment.

A fun day at the zoo and eating blueberries herself

Since Papa had to go to the office to get the mini harddrive her forgot on Friday night, we decided to all go to the Central Park Zoo this morning (sort of near his office). The Children's Zoo isn't a petting zoo as I recall it being years ago but Carolina had a great time at both zoos nonetheless.

She looked very serious in all the photos but in fact had fun. She had her "I'm checking this out first" face on. Then we went home to nap as it was too warm for her to relax and nap outside.

Then, tonight, she fed herself two bowls of frozen blueberries. She's doing more and more self feeding. I've never discouraged her nor forced her to. I've just presented it and knew when she was ready, she would. I've often fed her still sincebits easier than clean up but now she's asserting herself. So she does her own cereal with milk, yogurt, and blueberries.

And she loves to drink from a real cup but that's mostly met with her wearing a good amount. We make do and the Nalgene sippy cup is great. So whenever that works out...

Same with potty training. She's not QUITE ready but I see signs that tell me we are getting closer. Again, no pressure. I don't mind diapers that much. Never really have. Even the super-pooper ones.

More dancing and a miscarriage

August 12

Well the miscarriage is over. It was much less painful and strange than the first one. 

Having Carolina to care for has been good as I'm mostly too busy and distracted playing and caring for her to focus on me. 

I think, when she's asleep for the night, I'll have a good cry and then be done with it. 

Here's to my tiny (ballerina) dancer keeping mommy focused on what's important. 

Fun story: the other day we walked by a local ballet dance studio and a class was in session. I stopped the stroller and told Carolina what it was. She could only see the tops of their bodies practicing as there was a half wall at the entrance blocking her view. 

She was enthralled and had a very serious look on her face. When I asked if she wanted To go home  she shook her head "no". I asked if she wanted to go into the class, again almost solemnly, shook her head but this time with a "yes".

I explained that the class was for adults and she could go when she was a little bigger. She started to cry. I only see ballet or dance classes for age 3+. She's still too young to follow direction even if she's interested, agile and coordinated. 

Maybe next year, if the interest is still there, she actually will be our tiny dancer. 

Being pregnant with a toddler

August 9

So far, it's been very strange. I thought I lost it a few weeks ago but here I am still pregnant. I think I'm going to miscarry this one, it just doesn't feel "right", and I've had intermittent bleeding and cramps/pain over the last 3 weeks. But we'll see.

I've not had any morning sickness; no nausea. It's like my first preganancy in that way. Hungry but no suffering. When I was pregnant with Carolina, I was nauseus and throwing up every day for almost 6 months. It was a relief and a reminder that *this* baby was serious and she meant business to stick around.

I've been exhausted and have almost zero interest in walking all the way to the park, especially in the high heat and humidity we've had recently. So I've taken her to her friends' places or other places indoors with air conditioning.

Gratefully, Carolina has mostly been a very good girl and Ismael has not complained when I screwed up a few dinners. I just don't have the energy or interest in cooking after Carolina is asleep -- although I'm eating every two hours since I'm hungry all the time.

I've mentally prepared myself to lose this pregnancy, just in case. And I'm pretty much okay with it if it happens. And if we never have another child, I'm okay with that too. My kid is pretty great. We'd like to have another but things have been challenging recently and so we'll just have to take it as it comes and see what happens.

If I lose it, I'll get to have sushi this fall. If I get to keep it, then we'll have sushi in about two years. Either way, we'll have sushi! (For those of you who remember my sushi obsession while pregnant with Carolina will truly understand what I'm talking about.)

A second miscarriage, I think

July 18


As our trying for another child starts, I'm pretty sure I was pregnant for about a week or two. I had some pretty clear body signs and then got my period very early, with some pain. And now I don't feel pregnant anymore. Likely was miscarriage #2. It was very early and so I can't know for certain but I was pretty sure.

It was very disappointing. At least I know the parts still work over 35. Guess we will give it a rest for a month and then try again.

This was absolutely true for me. In case someone else reads this and this article is helpful.

Dr. Heather (@BabyShrink):
Trouble breastfeeding may be a tip-off to postpartum depression, study says: http://bit.ly/px9YO8 #parenting
https://twitter.com/BabyShrink/status/101643822123065345

Good days and less good days but mostly fun

I have to say, having a two-year-old in the house can be amazingly fun and amazingly tiring. Today, for example, was great.

I figured she'd be climbing up the walls by this afternoon as it was too hot and humid to go to the park this morning and rained all afternoon, but she wasn't. She was pretty content, and we had a good time coloring, dancing and playing.

Her favorite new thing is to dance like a ballerina and tell me, "Look Mommy! Angenina!" For Angelina Ballerina, a cartoon she likes. (I don't really like it very much since I find the voices annoying but we watch it sometimes just for a change of pace.) I've taught her what I remember from ballet classes I took when I was little and she finds it hilarious that we dance together like so.

When she gets a little older, and if she still likes to dance, I'll sign her up for a dance class.

A new-to-us book we got from the library recently is "Stick" by Steve Breen. It's great because it's not very long and there aren't many words. (I basically make up sounds for each frame where there aren't any words on the page.) The illustrations are very nice and there's a map of Stick's journey on the inside covers. Stick is a "baby fog" (baby frog) who likes to do things on his own and has an adventure around the New Orleans bayou area when he tries to eat a fly and gets stuck on a dragonfly. I really like New Orleans, and so that makes me happy to get to read it to her repeatedly when she asks.

I had to do some hunting for a hardcover copy of it, and finally found one (an ex-library copy) on Alibris.com. Here's the link in case anyone else wants one:
http://www.alibris.com/booksearch?qisbn=9780803731240&qwork=9901570&author=steve+breen&qsort=p&matches=11&cm_sp=works*edition*buyused

I wanted to make sure that we had a copy with the map on the inside covers since Carolina and I talk about the journey using the map. I wasn't sure if the paperback one they had on Amazon and BN.com had it.

Anyway, if you have a 18 month or older kid, and that kid likes animals -- I have a feeling that kid will like Stick:
 

Another current favorite is anything with Madeline in it, and Chicken Soup With Rice. Madeline is "Mad-eh-mine". She likes the first Madeline book best and we've read others. She even read enough during the Queens Library summer reading program that she earned a 'free dessert' from Applebee's. Of course we have to buy an adult entree, but it'll be fun to take her since she likes the little card they gave her with the 5 stamps on it saying she read 5 books.

Honestly, it's probably more that the card came in a little orange-plastic cover, and she can slide the card into and out of it.