it's been tough, but not impossible

I haven't written much in the past week. It's been tiring. We make progress at night with her only waking up twice. That happened happily for 2-3 nights in a row, one night of a lot of waking up, then a few more nights of mostly 2 time waking up. Then last night she gets up four times. She is teething, and she was in a lot of pain yesterday and the day before. I'm sure that has a lot to do with the days when she gets up more frequently or at least has a harder time getting herself back to sleep.

Now, mind you I'm not running in at the first whimper. Last night we let her cry on and off for just under 30 minutes. When she started up again the following hour, I couldn't take it anymore and went in. It was about 2 hours earlier than I would have liked but there's only so much I can take when *I* am tired.

The books say to leave her in her room until 6am. Even if she cries. I folded at 5.45am, and fed her. Then promptly put her back in her crib and left her there until she woke up again at 7.15am. I'm supposed to get her up between 6am and 7am. I was tired. I let it slip. Commence world ending music montage now... :)

But then today, she's gone down for 3 naps already -- completely awake. She didn't need me to feed her and rock her to sleep. In fact, the reason I did it the first time a few days ago was because she wasn't relaxing in my arms and it seemed pointless to continue for both our sakes. So I just put her down on her belly, gingerly wrapped the blanket around her waist and legs. She found her thumb, I rubbed her back and butt for a minute or two, and she nodded off.

It might not work every day but I'm glad she's getting the idea that she can fall asleep on her own.

Am I concerned that I use the sound machine and she goes for her thumb to relax? Yeah, a little. Am I worried that she really doesn't sleep anywhere but in a darkened room, pretty much at home? As in not a stroller nap baby... It's limiting. But I'll deal with her sucking her thumb as a problem when she's 10, if she's still doing it. Just like my mom did with me. And we'll ween her off the white noise machine if we need to when it's time. And I did set up her sleep structure/process like it is. So I've no one to look to about that but me.

The next jackpot will be taking longer naps during the day and fewer of them. This getting up for an hour, then back to sleep for 45-60 minutes makes having a day a little hard for me. For her, it's perfect :) When she's up for an hour or two, down for two, up for one or two, down for two, up for a bit then off to bed. Bingo! (At least that's how I imagine winning Baby Sleep Bingo.)

I know she can stretch it out since she has taken 2 hour naps on her own. I can't figure out how or why on those days it happens. Maybe it's just up to her to work it out.

I like to think I'm having some kind of impact on raising her but, really, I get the sense that she's a little dingy boat on a river and I'm steering with the smallest paddle ever. I get to make some course corrections and change direction a little but, really, it's how and where the river takes us.

As you all know, I am not one that easily 'goes with the flow'. So this part of having a baby has been the most challenging. And that it affects my sleep, well, just the harder. I hold out for the magical 6-month milestone. It may come and go and what I hope for doesn't come to fruition. But something else will.

Every "progress" is met with a new "detractor". It's like a gentle one-two punch every month. It always changes.

Julia was right. When I asked her what she thought about us going to Mexico for two weeks when Carolina is 7 months old, she told me, "Whatever her sleeping and traveling is like now [at 3/4 months] it'll definitely be different by then. It might be better, and it might now, but it'll definitely be different."

Now if we could just sort out finding the perfect apartment for no money, we'd be golden. Hahah!

At least there's a new bakery that opened on Greenpoint Ave. Now we have a new shop as part of our hourly walk repertoire. I like to visit the local shops and sometimes buy something. Keep the local economy going and know who runs the stores. Very neighborhood-y. Plus they all remember me if I'm carrying Carolina. Otherwise, I'm just another person who walked into the store. With her, I'm "that woman with the cute baby". Seriously. It's crazy how many people respond to her like she's got some magic over them or something.

P.S. We finally have the first, basic iteration of our website done: http://www.vivadm.com
Have a visit and let us know what you think!