Being humbled by my child

I was talking with another mom of a boy a little older than Carolina. We found out, quickly, that we had exceptionally similar experiences of becoming a new mother and how our influence (or not) seemed to bear little affect to our newborns. We discovered we both had "not a good sleeper". Upon this realization, sometime around 9 months, we both gave up. And then realized that was around the time things started to change.

In a sense, we gave up trying to control the baby and listening to EVERYONE's opinions about what magic trick they used to get their child to sleep well. Yeah, we both had the same verbally aggressive reaction to that time of our lives, and laughed about it pretty heartily.

It was summed up (politely) as: That's wonderful your child is accommodating and will sleep for you. I'm certain you feel proud and superior for it. Now, on yer bike...

Really, what we realized was that our children have their own personalities and that has WAY more to do with what the baby is going to be like than anything we could have done (or not done). It was only when we stopped trying to DO something, that we got any peace.

It still stings and we both find ourselves offering advice to mothers of younger babies, but it's mostly in the frame of "I tried this, and this and this. Nothing worked. Then he/she turned X months and boom. So just hang in there, good luck, and feel free to cry if it makes you feel better. Just trust that it'll pass, and know it'll probably take longer than you want. Something else taxing will take its place, and something new unexpected will bloom, but the peace or satisfaction in your mind will eventually happen."

What's humbling about it is that, as a mother, I wasn't as influential as I had once thought I'd be. Or rather, I'm not influential in the ways and means I thought I'd be.

Perhaps, that's going to prove to be even more influential later. That I know I have to trust this baby to lead the way.

PS Stroller nap training is like the sleep problem. She's decided that she'll sleep for a bit, if she's able to relax, in the baby carrier. By the time she's great at sleeping anywhere, it'll be time for a true umbrella stroller or she'll be walking everywhere with me. Either way, I've given up on trying to 'train' her. I just do what I have to do during the day(s) and if she naps - great, but if she's a pain - ok *sigh* and we move on.

PS I don't know if I've ever mentioned this but on a return trip from Toronto, while working at Organic, I sat next to a mother with her newborn. She was very "mother earth" type and was telling me about breastfeeding and how once she learned to give in to the baby's schedule and stop fighting and trying to make the baby fit into her schedule, everything was much more peaceful. I knew during that flight that this kind of kooky woman was telling me something I'd remember forever. It's a conversation I run through my head sometimes daily. I thought at the time it was very insightful and that she was right. I just didn't really understand it in the way I do now.